Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
