Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
