So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
