Define "chronic" masturbator.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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