At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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