just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
