There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
