i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
