My nipple is on Facebook.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
