Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
