She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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