I want you more than these girls want KFC
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
