i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
