Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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