Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
