The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
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