Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
