i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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