"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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