okay pat passed out under dana's car
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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