i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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