thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
