At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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