I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
