I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
