I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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