guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
