The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
