Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
