Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
