At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
