I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
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the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
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Someone came in the potted fern
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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