a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
