So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
