So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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