Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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