We're like a lot better than the average bears
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
