Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The beer is more important than you right now.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
