everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
