My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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