Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
