I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
