Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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