You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
