Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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