You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
