We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
What a dumb baby whore.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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