There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
