Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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