How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
