I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
