Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
