chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
