Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
