Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
