Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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