matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
