Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
