dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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