I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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