Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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