Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
