Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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