It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
