Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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