We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
