i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
