Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
