you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i now understand why vodka
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
