Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
