have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
