I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
