# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
