He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I had to cum in my sink.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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