i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
