Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
