What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
