They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
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My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
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So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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